We realize that not all husbands are going to humble themselves as Jesus did. In fact, some husbands may be abusive. What is a wife to do in such a situation? Peter has advice for such women:
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives. (Peter 3:1)
A harping wife is not a very good sharer of the Good News of Jesus. However, when a wife humbles herself and shows respect to her husband, she may win him over without saying a word. It’s been said that the best sermon is “lived, not preached”. When a wife continually begs her husband to go to church or hints constantly that he should read his Bible, her husband may weary of her words and reject the church even more strongly.
There was once a woman who was married to a teacher who loved drinking alcohol. He would bring his salary to his wife to put aside, keeping only enough to buy his alcohol. He would come home drunk many evenings, stumbling and grumbling, and fall asleep on his bed. The wife would clean him as best she could and feed him some food, then leave him to sleep it off. She always spoke to him respectfully and taught her children to respect him. She often told them, “Your father is a good man, but the alcohol has made him act this way. Let’s pray for him.”
One day, after receiving his salary, he went by the bar on his way home and got very drunk. A thief attacked him on his way home and stole all of his money, leaving him in a ditch. When he didn’t come home, his wife went out looking for him and soon found him in the ditch. She helped him get home, cleaned him up and helped him into bed. The next morning, he searched in his pockets for his money and realized it had been stolen. He hung his head and asked his wife, “What day is it today?” She told him it was Saturday. Then he told her, “Tomorrow I’m going to church with you. I’m through with drinking.”
That was a day of rejoicing. What we can learn from this story is that a wife can’t change her husband, but she can pray for him. God knows how to bring a man to his knees, so depend on him and learn to respect your husband.
Unfortunately, some wives are living with husbands who are violent—some from the influence of alcohol, others because they don’t know how to handle anger. It can be dangerous for a wife to remain living with a man like that. Usually, when a man acts out his anger in violent ways, it doesn’t get better without professional help; in fact, it usually escalates over time, so that the wife and her children may be in danger of being injured or even murdered. Wives in such a situation should seek help; there are safe houses in most countries where they may stay while she sorts out what her options are. It may be necessary for her to separate from her husband until he learns to control his anger.
Paul addresses a situation where there may have to be a separation.
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
If a wife has to separate from her husband for her safety, then she must remain single until her husband gets the help he needs, and it is safe for her to return to him.