In the first century, most cultures allowed divorce, as did the Law. Jesus explained that Moses had accommodated their “hardness of heart.” But Jesus did not adapt. After quoting Genesis about the first marriage, Jesus concluded, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:2-9). Marriage’s design is divine! This is part of the Christ-culture, rooted deeply in God’s wisdom and arching like a rainbow over all cultures. As you consider Ephesians 5, ask whether it reflects the Christ-culture or that time’s human culture.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:22-25)
Some cultures dislike the idea of husbands sacrificing themselves for their wives. Other cultures dislike words like “submit” and “head.” They accuse Paul of reflecting a male-dominated society. But the family’s origin and order are rooted in God’s culture, beginning with creation (1 Corinthians 11:3, 7-9). Paul is reflecting the “mystery” that “refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).
While we seek to understand such Scriptures, be sure to learn their spirit. Ephesians 5 gives no excuse to husbands who dominate harshly (Colossians 3:19). Jesus is the model! This is His culture! He does not force His will on us. Instead, He shows the way and leads by example. He loves sacrificially, in all the ways described by 1 Corinthians 13:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things… (1 Corinthians. 13:4-5, 7)
Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman… (1 Peter 3:7)
Knowing Genesis, Jews had a starting point for understanding marriage. Many Gentiles grew up with myths about cruel and immoral gods. Having come to Christ, they had to learn an entirely new way of thinking and behaving. Paul was the apostle to the Gentiles (Acts 9:15; Ephesians 3:8; Galatians 2:8). Appointed as “teacher of the Gentiles in faith and truth” (1 Timothy 2:7), Paul shared with them the Spirit’s new culture, including roles in the family and the church.