As you know, every marriage has challenges. Keep on communicating with each other about each issue and work together to find a solution. When a couple can learn to communicate well (see Lesson Three), they can solve any problem that they face in their marriage. But what if a spouse refuses all discussion? What can be done? Unfortunately, some people rush into divorce, thinking of it as a solution. They soon learn that divorce brings with it many other problems. And those who enter another marriage find that it too has difficulties.
If you and your spouse seem to be making no progress, try to get help. Your struggles are not unique (1 Corinthians 10:13). Many others have experienced what you are experiencing. Some have written to help people like you. There are many books on marriage in general and on specific subjects. Try to find one with a Biblical perspective. You can read together, or you can read alone if your spouse refuses to cooperate. Such books may give you ideas on how to solve your problem. You can find them in a book shop, a library, or on the Internet. Get advice from respected Christians on which books are good for your situation. You may have to spend some money, but it will be well worth it. Divorce is much more costly than the cost of a few books.
Additionally, you can find a counselor who knows how to help marriages that are in trouble. If you do not have professional marriage counselors near you, perhaps a minister, an elder, or a wise Christian man or woman in your church can help you; someone who often does marriage counseling. Find someone you can trust to give good biblical advice, and who can keep confidences (Proverbs 11:13; 25:9).
One way to help avoid problems, and even to address problems as they arise, is for an older couple to mentor a younger couple. They could meet with you once a month and just talk about different marital topics. They could even use this course as a guide for conversation.
Another way to help is that you can begin doing something different. If you usually get quiet and walk away from your spouse when you are annoyed, try drawing close and having a meaningful, calm discussion about the issue. Stop withdrawing. If you normally get angry and begin arguing, try pulling back and keeping quiet until things settle down, then discuss the issue calmly. When you do something out of the ordinary, then your spouse’s habitual response also tends to change.