Perhaps you have been ignoring your spouse and refusing to talk. Try doing something special—bring flowers, make a special meal, ask your spouse how you can help, take care of the children to give your spouse a break. Do something thoughtful that will show that you care for your spouse. Do this, even if you have lost those loving feelings. You will be surprised to discover that some of those feelings may begin coming back. Colossians 3:32 says:
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
If we could all learn to follow this advice from Paul, our marriages would be transformed! No matter how your spouse is treating you, don’t react. Instead, be proactive and do something kind, gentle and compassionate.
Sometimes married couples get onto what has been called a crazy cycle.[1] This is where they get into a spin of treating each other in unloving, disrespectful ways.
The two of them keep going around and around this crazy cycle, because they are feeling unloved and disrespected. Remember Paul’s advice to couples in Ephesians 5:
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:22-25, 28)
Paul knew that a husband’s biggest felt need is to be respected. A wife’s biggest felt need is to be loved. When a husband and wife are not giving these things to one another, it causes unhappiness and frustration in the relationship. Here is the good news: When a couple is on this crazy cycle, they can get off it at any time. How? By one of them acting in a loving or respectful manner. It doesn’t matter which one of them does it first, the husband or the wife. But when either one changes behavior and acts lovingly or respectfully, the other has no reason to continue the cycle. At first, there may be some skepticism. But if one keeps on showing respect and love, in time the other appreciates it and begins to act in a better way also. Try it!
[1] Emerson Eggerichs, The Crazy Cycle in Marriage: https://app.rightnowmedia.org/en/player/video/225912?session=253030